Month: January 2017
COUNTRY NOT GOING IN DIRECTION ILLUMINATI LEADER IMAGINED.
the only remnant of his existence was the smell of smoke that came from his ivory pipe.
DRUNK GUY HIGH-FIVING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE.
SAVANNAH, GA — local man, Andy Lutz, 26, reportedly spent last Sunday night relentlessly high-fiving anyone and everyone in sight. A perfect storm of vodka-red…
AREA MAN TAKES ANTACID BEFORE EVERY MEAL, “JUST IN CASE.”
“His body probably doesn’t have the ability to regulate how much stomach acid it produces anymore,”
AREA MAN FORCED TO GET CREATIVE TO KEEP PROBLEM AFTER FOURTH SOLUTION OFFERED.
LONG BEACH, CA — Local man Dustin Jacobs, 27, was forced to dig into the deepest, most creative, recesses of his mind to combat yet…
31-YEAR-OLD CAN’T HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS, BAND PRACTICE TO BLAME.
No one wants to hear a reggae, ska, punk, metal band — it’s not breaking the mold; its just stupid.
FATE OF ENTIRE NATION RESTS ON TEMPERAMENT OF 3 A.M. TWEET.
As the clock strikes 3:01 A.M., an entire nation looks on with terror as electromagnetic waves containing threats of war and hate speech depart from the New York skyline
AREA MAN CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF SHITTY JOB.
“He’s always coming in on his days off, trying to pick up shifts, or lingering around after his shifts,”
REPORT: IF YOU DIDN’T POST IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.
“Any photos, videos, or even audio recordings you’ve taken without posting to Facebook, twitter, snapchat, Instagram — hell — even Pintrest, don’t exist.”