DULUTH, MN — Local restaurant server and all-around idiot, Lance Stephenfold, 28, absolutely adores his shitty job, sources say. Stephenfold, according to his coworkers at Nancy’s Diner, is perfectly content wasting away serving tables for little pay and no benefits for the rest of his life. “He’s always coming in on his days off, trying to pick up shifts, or lingering around after his shifts,” croned Betsy Havermeyer, one of Stephenfold’s coworkers. “One time he told a table to get the rice pudding for dessert because it’s ‘the best he’s ever had’ and he’s a ‘connoisseur’ of rice pudding — can you fuckin’ believe that?” added Havermeyer.

At press time Stephenfold was seen smiling and laughing with the restaurant’s only two customers who just wanted some peace and quiet to eat their meals.