TALLAHASSEE, FL —  Starting this spring Florida State University will be offering a masters program in tailgating and date rape.  The program, which features classes taught by revered , celebrity party-animals, from across the globe, is a part of the University’s new School of Organized Partying and Recreational Drug Use. While no official statements have been made, it is rumored that Sean “Diddy” Combs is to assume the mantle of President, with Keith Richards serving as Vice President, and  George W. Bush Jr. as Dean of Students. Among the faculty are recognizable celebrity names like Charlie Sheen, Dennis Rodman, Lindsay Lohan and Andy Dick, teaching alongside adjunct professors such as Bill Clinton, Prince Harry, the ghost of Chris Farley, John Daly, Paris Hilton, and Big Foot. The school will begin accepting applications in the form of video auditions, starting this fall.

The School of Organized Partying is encouraging applicants to film themselves “doing really dope shit” then send in their tapes, adding that “FSU is a place where amazing shit happens, all the time. And if you don’t have the balls to take a hit of whatever the fuck is in this joint we rolled, without asking what’s in it we don’t want you here.”

At press time, Florida State University unveiled what they are calling “The Cosby Path,” a grand entry way where students, faculty, alumni, and the public alike can bask in the glory of honorary alumni. The half-mile-long walk way is adorned with sculptures of the greatest date rapists. The end of the path is Fitted with a glistening, bronze statue of Bill Cosby, hand-in-hand with Donald Trump, enjoying a nice ice cream cone.