CINCINNATI, OH — Just moments after local man Brian Mueller, 37, admitted his plan to  “turn his life around” the insults began to fly. “Yeah, and I’m going to represent the U.S. in the winter Olympics,” scoffed Jon Faraway, Mueller’s best  friend of 22 years.  Faraway wasn’t alone in his incredulity “This is going to be just like the time you tried to bring back ‘psych’ — you’re gonna beat it to death for three days, then give up when you realize what a pathetic, naive, fool you’ve been,” Samuel Wilder another close friend of Mueller’s, was quick to add.

Even members of Mueller’s family were quick to dismiss his desires to improve himself. Cynthia Mueller, Brian’s wife, was among one of the first to have doubts: “He could really hurt himself…you know? And if we’re being honest here, I think this might actually be worse for him. He’s definitely going to get depressed and stress eat when he doesn’t notice a significant amount of weight loss in the first two weeks.”

At press time, Mueller could be seen half-naked, sprawled out on the couch, catching up on episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta in between sets of 15 crunches.