Author: Nes
‘Yooo!’ Inquires Friend Looking to Get Absolutely Shit-Housed.
Cincinnati, OH — The feeling of impending dread brewed in the stomach of local man Brian Shore, 31, as he read the latest message in…
NATION FEELS MOST SAFE, RELIEVED ALONE IN ELEVATOR.
NEW HAVEN, CT — Researchers, from Yale University, published the results of a two-year-long study, yesterday, revealing that people are most relaxed and feel the…
Passersby Hoping For Massive Accident, Captivated by Crane Hoisting Massive Object.
New York, NY — The citizens of New York, were frozen in place, this afternoon, as a crane, at the Hudson Yards construction site, raised…
7 Things I’ve Realized Since My Parents Have Come Out to Me As Swingers
1) The plastic covers on the living-room couch were there for my own safety. 2) Soccer camp was just a way for them to meet…
Water in Public Pool Touches Everyone’s Asshole, Your Face.
“Just look at all of ’em — There’s no way they all wiped.”
United Airlines Introduces Indentured Servant Travel Class.
United Headquarters, Chicago, IL — A new travel program, announced this morning, by United Airlines CEO, Oscar Munoz, will afford customers cheaper flights in exchange for…
Nation’s Lawmakers Ask Facebook to Fix Country.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, over 100 senators, from 46 states, gathered on Capitol Hill to question Facebook creator, and CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, in a…
AREA MAN TO BE REPORTED TO BUREAU OF SHITTY FRIENDS
Park City, UT — Three cancelled hangout sessions and several dodged phone calls were the straw that broke local man Brian Parker’s, 29, back. Despite…
MAN TO FINDS COURAGE TO TIP ONLY 7%
CHICAGO, IL — After receiving what can only be described as pristine and highly attentive service, at a well established local watering hole, Allen Bradley,…
Man Attempting to Make Positive Change in Life Belittled and Berated by Friends, Family.
CINCINNATI, OH — Just moments after local man Brian Mueller, 37, admitted his plan to “turn his life around” the insults began to fly. “Yeah,…