Albuquerque, NM — Dr. Robert Schmek, Professor of sociology at the University of New Mexico, 49, led the team that published its findings in the International Journal of Comparative Sociology. “It’s very gratifying to get results like these,” said Schmek, during a press conference on Thursday. “We didn’t expect to see a connection between not  being able to ‘see color’ and racism; however, what’s really interesting is all the participants were vehement in telling us they have or have known at least a friend, coworker, boyfriend, girlfriend, classmate, etc. who is a member of a minority group,” added Schmek. The study, titled Racism at Glance: How  to Prove You’re Not Racist to People Who Weren’t Asking,  further stipulates that you can call them names and beat them up — just not at the same time, and all lives matter.

At press time, the research team was seen congratulating, and patting each other on the back for not being racist —  the only black member of the team was overcome with irony.