BOSTON, MA — Local man and general practitioner, Gregory Mansfield, MD, 38, confirmed on this past Wednesday that he never imagined he’d have to see so many flaccid penises. “About ninety percent of my time at work is spent examining, looking at, touching, or otherwise dealing with flaccid penises,” sighed Mansfield. According to Mansfield film and television have drastically misrepresented what it’s like to be a doctor. “They [the film and television industry] make it seem like this whole profession is dripping in sex appeal and drama — in reality its mostly ugly, flaccid, penises, attached to overweight, debutante, neck-beards, whose sole possessions are, seemingly, their angry little dicks.” Mansfield Shuddered.

At press time Mansfield gave a statement  admitting his disappointment that he’s never even once gotten to use the defibrillator and yell “clear!” then slam the patients chest and cry as they moved on to the next life.