AUSTIN, TEXAS — Members of planet fitness in downtown Austin plan to desparately flail their limbs, in a futile — albiet honorable –attempt to counteract their plans to get, as local man Eric Howard put it: “fucked in half drunk,” this coming friday. “If I can just squeeze in a quick mile run and 30 crunches I should be set for the whole weekend,” Howard said to himself, unconvincingly. Howard, a long-time reality denier and all-around-delusional-idiot, has a long track record of perceiving the world through whatever lens best suits his fragile sense of self worth: “There was his ska phase, the time he tried to convince everyone swing dancing was cool, and who could forget the time he tried to develop his own catch phrase,”  confirmed a Tim Bradshaw, a close friend of Howard. At press time Howard could be seen heading to the locker room to change after only running half a mile and doing seven junping jacks.