NEW YORK, NY — Situated in the heart of the financial district, local restaurant China Chalet seemingly hasn’t served a customer in months. The Chalet, or as locals call it, “that place that’s always empty,” has all the tell tail signs of an illegitimate establishment. “They only have, like, 3 tables, and they don’t even have the right amount of chairs — and the lights are off, but there are people, clearly, inside — the whole thing is very shady,” noted Ralph Allman, 51, who works in the area.

Other customer’s reports seem to echo Allman’s inclination, having witnessed a wide variety of odd, or, downright, suspicious activities.  Everything from being shooed out of the restaurant, to armed guards stationed inside, to seeing large quantities of raw, unprocessed opium, to guests being yelled at incomprehensibly in Cantonese.

When pushed for a comment the only response our team received from China Chalet was an ornate, red velvet lined, wooden box whose contents can only be described as a severed ox head.